The hardest part of saying goodbye is having to do it every single day.

My dearest ara,

I dont know were to start, coz most probably I don’t know why you ended it. I guess it was bound to happen sooner rather than later. Whatever fault I have done, you know I didn’t mean it. Maybe you were just looking for reasons to ditch me again or are having your tantrums. Whateve your reason is, I will understand you like I always do, but this time not because I’m trying to but because somebody made me understand. Know that I tried so hard to keep you, to keep our friendship, but I couldn’t fight for someone who is long gone. And this time, I’m going to make it a lot easier for you. I will stay away because it’s what you want and because its the right thing to do. I don’t want to happen to us whatever happened between me and anna. I’m letting you go but the love, friendship, and respect will always be there and one day I would look back and with a smile knowing that once I had you, and the wonderful love we had shared. Maybe there are souls that are made to love each other but not meant to be together. You’ll never be away from my thoughts as you were in my heart. Take care and be safe always..

The Pain Of Being In Love With Someone You Can Never Be With

Love is a tricky thing. It varies in intensity and in the specificity of emotions. It is sometimes the most beautiful thing in the world and, at other times, it’s the most horrid thing we’ve ever come face-to-face with.

It’s odd how one thing could be the cause of so many contrary feelings. But that’s what makes love so beautiful – it’s the closest thing to perfection that exists in the world, the only thing that can easily and comfortably encompass both good and evil, beautiful and ugly.

It’s the closest thing to a flawless whole that man has ever claimed to have been part of.

When we think of love, we think of the happy kind of love, the kind that is the beginning of something beautiful – something that breathes life.

There is, however, another kind of love, a much darker and sadder kind of love. It’s the love one feels when one loves someone he or she can never and will never have.

It’s the kind of love that doesn’t signal the beginning of something beautiful, but rather the end of something that might have been beautiful, but will never amount to anything more than what it is.

Contrary to popular belief or popular wishful thinking, love doesn’t always end happily. It doesn’t always result in the joining of two people, the fusing of two lives into one.

Sometimes, on rare occasions, it results in the wedging apart of the two who love each other the most. You can love someone with all your soul and never get a chance to be with that person. Even worse, you can know that you love him or her, understanding there is no possibility that the two of you will ever be together.

Some people cannot and will not ever end up together, even if they do love each other. It’s a sad truth, but a truth, nonetheless.

The fact is, love is not enough. All those fairytales, all those stories and movies you’ve heard and watched growing up, lied to you. Love is never enough because love is not rational.

You hear that love is irrational all the time, yet you still hear the same people saying that love is enough to keep two people together.

Unfortunately, we live in a world governed by rationality, and while love may be irrational, and we may manage to make it work for some time, the real world always catches up with us and our irrational illusions dissipate into thin air.

Then we are left with reality and reality doesn’t always reason the way lovers do.

Some people don’t work out together. They have habits or beliefs that make it impossible to co-habitate with the person they love. There isn’t a couple out there that loves every little thing about one another.

Sure, they may find certain quirks cute or unique, but they don’t love them; they simply accept them. There are some people who have such habits, tendencies, or thinking patterns that really do make them incompatible with the other person.

The two may love each other fully, because remember, love isn’t rational, yet not be able to live and deal with each other forever. This is why relationships require compromise.

You’re not going to love everything about the person you are with, but you love enough about him or her to live with the things you don’t love. Not all people are willing to, or even able to, compromise. Sometimes it just doesn’t work, regardless of what our emotions tell us.

Compromising, of course, is a choice. You either choose to make it work or you choose not to. I believe this fully. As long as something doesn’t go against your nature, over time you can make it work. But there are still some cases when compromising isn’t enough.

Sometimes there are other reasons two people cannot and will not ever be together. In fact, this is usually the deciding factor of whether or not two lovers will be capable of spending their lives together: if they are able to forgive and forget.

Because love is as intense an emotion as one gets, it occasionally leads us to make poor choices – choices that are hurtful to the ones we love.

They may be poor calls of judgment, lies we told or things we said. When it comes to love, our pasts haunt us. We move from relationship to relationship, hauling all that luggage we managed to accumulate in our previous relationship.

Because lovers who can’t work together don’t like to accept this fact, they have a tendency of breaking up and getting back together repeatedly.

Each time they take a break from each other, they come back and try to start fresh. But the problem is, they’re still carrying all that luggage. And sooner or later, they start to unpack. All the demons come out.

When love scars, it cuts deep. The pain isn’t easily forgotten and usually cannot be willfully forgotten. When you hurt the woman you love enough, she won’t come back to you. And because you still love her, you wouldn’t take her back even if she asked you to.

You don’t trust yourself not to hurt her again and even if you did, she wouldn’t trust you not to hurt her again. Relationships are built on trust and you shattered her trust.

Chances are, you both have bruises that have never fully healed and likely will never fully heal. And that’s just something you decided that you’ll have to live with. Why?

Because you really don’t have any other options. You just hope that the two of you find others to love so you can think about each other less and so you don’t have to worry about her happiness anymore.

You wait in hopes that new love can take the place of the old — which it can. But that doesn’t mean you will ever stop loving each other. Some people will love each other until the day they die, spending the majority of their lives apart. And so is the darker side of love.

A Little Too Late

My dearest Ara, 
By the time you read this letter, maybe you have made up your mind and decided to exchange vows. I know I cannot do anything about it but it won’t stop me from telling you this. The last time we talked made me realize how great a fool I have been to shut you out of my life this past year. Many times I wanted to talk to you. Each time I dream of you is like a call for me to reach out but I tried so hard not to let my guard down mainly to protect myself from getting hurt, and for the fear of rejection. Only to to know that the feeling is mutual. Should I have reached out and set aside my pride, maybe, just maybe things would have gone different for d both of us. Which maybe ask myself right now, “what if, and what might have been”.
They say we only get one chance in life but I guess we are both given another chance right now. Remember last year you were facing a great dilemma, and that I told you if you take the road on your comfort zone, time will come you will just have to face it again and it is what you are facing again right now. Please don’t be afraid to take risk, the world is out there waiting to be conquered, I know you can be great and you can do great, don’t settle for what is already there because I know youll eventually grow tired of it. You are still young and you have a life ahead of you. I’m not telling you not to ever get married but maybe just not now. Give yourself a chance to grow and explore other opportunities, you owe that to yourself and you know that. It is better to regret on the wrong things you’ve done than on the things you never did when you had the chance. Don’t people drag you down, you are stronger than that, you just have to believe in yourself sometimes. 
And also, you might be wondering how easy was it for me forgive you, I really don’t know about that. All I know is that one day, all the anger and pain was gone with nothing left but love. And love can forgive. I took me a while, but i finally got got there. Though you were a year too late for explanation, I still thank you for making me understand. And I may not know how you feel for me right now, but I want you to know that nothing has changed, I still love you, Ara. I love you from the moment I set my eyes on you. I love you now while I’m writing this, and I love you whenever you are reading this.
I love you, I always have and always will. Nothing in this world would change that.

Star

A star falls from the sky and into your hands. Then it seeps through your veins and swims inside your blood and becomes every part of you. And then you have to put it back into the sky. And it’s the most painful thing you’ll ever have to do and that you’ve ever done. But what’s yours is yours. Whether it’s up in the sky or here in your hands. And one day, it’ll fall from the sky and hit you in the head real hard and that time, you won’t have to put it back in the sky again.

Anger Is Easy, Forgiveness Is A Tough One

It’s a rush, this new darkness that came. Everything just happen so fast. One second I’m happy with my life. Everything just just fall into its proper place. Suddenly there’s this odd feeling inside me, and I realize I was happy for the first time in a very long time. I even forgot when was the last moment I was happy coz pain became a huge part of me. And one day you came. Everything changed. Hope dawned in the distance like a sail. You woke my heart that has been long afraid to feel.One second I was happy, then I get this over towering feeling of sadness. And I just feel alone. Depression consumes me. Knowing that something  just happened, and I don’t know how to react.

At this desperate moment, what would it be? Anger or forgiveness? Anger is easy, bitterness is easy. It shuts down all the pain. It makes you numb. It even makes you seem strong.  But forgiveness, that is a tough one. Makes you recognize everything. All the pain and the memories. The love that has always been  there, the spark of something undeniable, a seed of hope, the truth for better or for worse burning fiercely just below the surface of you heart.

“She”

 “Who is she?” she asked,

…she is my soul’s perfect mate,

my body’s passionate lover

and my minds sole companion

 “What is she?” she asked,

…she is the rhythm of my soul,

 the song of my spirit and the love of my life

“Where is she?” she asked,

…she is in my every breath, beating in my heart

and the thread that stitches my soul together

 “When is she?” she asked,

…she is today, at dawn, tonight,

when the stars came out

and tomorrow…Forever…

“Why is she?” she asked,

…she is my completion,

my lovers twin and my spirit sweet compliment

“Who is she?” again she asked,

 …she is you, my Beloved

…SHE IS YOU.

©Feveel

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Down the Boulevard

I  travel in the road of uncertainty, with nothing but map of my web of memories of us. I search for your face in every corners of  the street. So many places, distant faces in crowd and chaos. Lost, confused, scared. I  hear one echo, us. Behind every mask they laugh at me because I will never find you, and you will never belong to me. Yet I search.. Search.. Search.. Sometimes I go on, as every green lights would mean, but there are times I halt. As I wait for the red lights to change, I think of how long this road would take me to you. There are turns that leads me to a dead end just as I’m stuck in a moment that was never meant to last. Wishing, hoping, I could take U turns back to you. The most difficult part is when I face the crossroads. Where am I going? I could only guess. How can I find you? Driven with love, hate and anger, while crying my way through pain. Sometimes I wanna forget; you, me, us. Forget yesterday. Forget today. Forget tomorrow. Be free. But I’m not. I’m yours. Always, and maybe forever. I close my eyes. I listen to the music of the stereo, trying find hope in every stanza of each song I play. I know my love is unacceptable and selfish,  but somewhere in my heart, soul and this sin, you are my lies because they will not accept the truth. You are my laughter because they don’t have keen interest about my tears. You are my happiness because they don’t know about my misery. Detours may make it easy, but how long until I hear the past reverberate? Drifting into my thoughts like a leaf carried in a current and caught in the middle of nowhere, floating but fixed, refusing to be carried away.Who knows where this trip would take me. The road is long, but in the end, my journey is you.

 

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